Pregnancy Cravings

Pregnancy cravings:

Do you have them?

What are they?

Whatever they are;

They are real.

I had one yesterday when my husband asked me what I wanted for lunch.

I thought Walnut Shrimp.

but I replied Chinese Food.

When we ordered our food,

there was no walnut shrimp and I was so upset inside.

When we sat to ate- I shared my disappointment

after ordered something "in stock"

He said, why didn't you tell me that you

were craving walnut Shrimp.

I would have MADE SURE you got that.

Bless his heart.

This morning I wanted Orange Juice so we drove a couple blocks to grab some.

Jack left for class and I dropped my orange juice, it shot up into my hair and face,

covering my clothes.

I was so upset inside.

These pregnancy cravings were better when they were a grapefruit and salad.

I don't know who I am anymore.

Kidding.

but its funny to be tossed to and fro by cravings.

Do you follow them?

Do you ignore them?

I've always eaten stuff with extra pickles.

And you know what, I've always drank pickle juice.

And the darkest chocolate out there.

I've been craving donuts for weeks,

but I haven't really sought them out.

Right now I feel like a big glasss of very warm water- 32 ox from a Nalgene bottle to be exact.

And I'm drinking that as I type.....

Maybe I'll be craving a bath after that!

Oh my goodness, someone just gave me a donut!

Maybe pregnancy cravings aren't that bad of a roller coaster!

When you move across the country.

I haven't really written about this before.

I've told my husband about it, and I can't really 

put it into words for the little girl who I feel this way about.

First of all, when you are pregnant, your emotions are heighten. So often- 

with all these transitions, I'm wondering if things would be as amazing, as hard, 

as beautiful and as frightening. Alas, all I can do is accept what comes and 

learn to love it.

When I moved across the country, I went with my love.

Weeks before I met him and for much of my adult single life,

my family had been fasting and praying for me to 

find someone I felt eternally compatible with.

I had no fear to cleave unto him. So we made the 1,500 mile trek.

But.

When you move across the country, you leave behind part of your life.

And for me, there really wasn't anywhere for me to cope in a manner that

felt right, so I cried, mostly at night or in the shower where 

the ugly cry could emerged from its ugly place.

There was a yearning I experienced that 

was different than losing someone to death.

This yearning was more bearable, yet- painful.

I missed one particular little girl so much, that I cried.

I would dream about her weekly, and in each dream,

she would demonstrate her independence.

She was doing things in the dream that she never did around me 

in real life, and it taught me how to cope with progression and 

helped me understand that separation anxiety on any level,

can become a teacher.

In my dreams, she didn't need me like I thought she used to.

This is Liz, one of my nieces.

When Liz was about a 7-8 months old, she always came to me. crawling or reached for me

there she was, Baby Yiz, we called her.

This felt like a personal triumph, a tender mercy.

She in a lot of ways- added purpose to my life as a sister, an aunt and 

a single woman that wanted her own babies. 

We spend lots of time together since she was born.

She will be 3 this April.

So when you move across the country, you cannot fill this void immediately.

She could barely talk when I left and so communicating over the phone 

did not fill the void. Video chat did not fill my void. 

And everytime we did talk, she would ask:

"Yenny, When are you coming to my house?"

Insert the crying. :)

I dreamt about her weekly and woke up in tears because I missed her so badly.

I missed all my nieces, but this one had a special place in my heart, for the way she loved me back.

I know that Heavenly Father was aware of this hurt. He knows what it is like to have 

separation anxiety from those that He loves, but in his perfected state, he also

lets us live our lives and continually progress.

I know that Heavenly Father was aware of this hurt

because we were able to get pregnant immediately.

And truth be told, in my heart of hearts,

(you know that little secret spot where

EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE WORKS 

OUT JUST THE WAY YOU WANTED)

Well, in that secret spot, I wanted to have a daughter first.

I wanted to fill the void I had for missing all of my 6 sisters.

I needed to fill the void I had for missing my mother.

My heart of hearts had it all figured out.

Our first ultrasound was around 13 weeks and it kind of denoted that

a little boy would join our family. So I begin to train my inner heart 

for a little boy. As I've progressed throughout this pregnancy,

I feel that having a boy will be a perfect addition to our 

already boy family. And irony is my middle name- 

so I'm actually preparing myself to raise a 

soccer team of boys- that may not even like sports.

Lessons learned:

1. Having a secret heart of hearts is okay.

2. Knowing that we don't have a lot of control in when and what happens

is a healthy way to progress and adjust.

Just ask my husband.

He DID NOT

want to date and or marry someone from Utah.

(more on that later. Actually you should ask him to write about it sometime)

3. I used to call it Phantom Pains when I lived outside of NYC.

See blog post here: 

http://jennyhansen.blogspot.com/2012/02/phantom-pains-of-homesickness.html

Now I'm feeling that all these emotions can teach us and prepare us 

to become Parents and ultimately prepare us to be like our Heavenly Father.

The perks of living far away means you get awesome FB messages from your dad:

I love you lots and lots tooo... DAD!

xoxo

Letters to my Baby | I

You have been in the womb-

about 25 weeks- I don't feel you too often yet

but I know you are there.

I took you and Jackson swimming last night.

I think you are going to really like your older brother.

He has suggested we name you Super Diper- But that is only 

because he got the spelling of diaper wrong.

Don't worry- that is a normal name referral from anyone 

about that age. And as thoughtful as it may be, 

we will not be naming you Super Diper- 

But you may hear it more in the next couple months.

I have craved grapefruit and citrus throughout this entire pregnancy.

My husband is a saint and makes 

tomatillo salsa on demand.

And it's amazing. 

When he was little, everyone asked his mother 

if he was her Mexican Baby. 

He has olive skin and darker hair.

This was much different from the other 5 children she raised.

They had lighter skin, lighter hair and eyes.

This is a photo of your daddy 4 weeks old and 2 days:

Because he was Jack the third, he was nicked named:

Jackie, whom his siblings and mother still address him by.

My favorite photo of your dad is this one, he was two here:

Now my baby,

I want you to know that if you don't look Mexican, it will be okay.

If you look like a Hansen, I think we will survive.

I just wanted to write you and let you know, 

that we are so excited for your 

arrival this Spring.

In the meantime, 

your daddy will keep practicing his voice over talent

on my belly.

And I will write to you to enjoy the moments and 

all the new things that come along with motherhood.

xoxo

24 Weeks

The most interesting thing pregnancy has taught me, is,

LISTEN TO MY BODY.

I don't feel like I've had my body tell me it's hungry until now.

I've gained 2 pounds so far- but lost 10 in the first trimesters.

8 more pounds and I'll be back to the weight I was before pregnancy.

I crave salads all the time, I eat three to four different types of citrus daily.

My day is not complete without a grapefruit and biotin pills.

I'm not drinking as much water as I would like, but I'm eating well.

I was able to get on the Erg last week and do some rowing- I am out of shape in that department,

I also lifted some weights while my husband did free weighs, he is a beast- in a good way.

I'd like to get back to the gym, I just need to schedule it in.

We have the crib put together, except for the bottom drawer, we need a part for that.

I started feeling my body move- he feels so tiny- but I'm expecting to deliver a large

bundle of joy. So I'm preparing for that mentally.

2015

Its been very cold here in Lexington, not normal cold. 

Negative 5 degree, with little to no snow. Jack flew to Utah this week to put up our 

Land Rover and check on the house.

I'm 22 weeks along and finally feel great.

We spend Christmas in Arkansas which was nice to see Jack's parents.

When we got back, we celebrated with Jackson and of course his favorite 

present he opened was a Chinese fan, that he lost at church the next day!

When he was in Utah this Summer my mom, Grandma Hansen,

gave Jackson a fan from Taiwan, from their last visit there he carried it around

until he broke it. Perhaps we will have to make one together.