Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Talmage Samuel Lane

For months we tried to decide on a name.

I kept suggesting Talmage and Jack kept suggesting Joseph Smith, Don Carlos and Alvin.

I think that is such a fun part of being pregnant.

You comb over what it will be like and all your 

UNREALISTIC expectations flood your mind and imagination for 

40 weeks straight.

And then that lovely reality hits.

My due date was May 10th. Mothers Day.

It was a simple quiet UN contractual type of day.

The next day I went to the doctors to receive the news that I was dilated to a one.

I was disappointed and hoped that I would have my baby before my Mom flew out that Friday.

I cried on the phone to hear.

Put on workout clothes and went for a long walk.

Then I met Jack and Jackson in the garden where

Jack asked me for help, so I took it upon myself to

fill up the water buckets over and over and carry them to him in 

each hand, like some entry level crossfit workout.


I went to bed.

In the morning I was in pain. 

I diagnosed myself with what they call: Pre Labor.

My contractions were 3 minutes apart at 9 a.m.

Jack told Jackson to school and cancelled his events for the day.

We figured it would be a day laboring.. that is what all the books say.. and all the 

UNREALISTIC expectations.

By 11:30 we were at the hospital and I was dilated to a 5 and screaming and moaning..

LIKE ALL THE HOLLYWOOD MOVIES that the BOOKS say it isn't like at all.

wrong. ha.

The staff prepared me for a IV and try to find a vein 7 different times.

Another 90 minutes pass, they get the IV in and send a blood test down to the lab to confirm that I 

can receive an epidural... all the while I'm laboring...

LIKE ALL THE HOLLYWOOD MOVIES that the BOOKS say it isn't like at all.

The lab must have gone to lunch and a movie and perhaps a nap

because 90 minutes later I got the epidural.

Jack asked the doctor to check me, its 4:45, And I've dilated to a 10.

They tell me to "Labor down"

We aren't sure what that means, so I start practicing positions I want to deliver in,

the ones all the natural birthing books talk about... the positions not found in movies.

I practice push for 45 minutes which I actually loved and was actually 

really fun.

5:39 Talmage is born.

The doctor calls him aggressive and Jack and I both smile.

Photo Credit: Kate Dooley: site

They immediately place him on my chest and this little guy starts his push up 

routine.... and we become smitten.

We feel so blessed to be able to add to our little family immediately.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Why I'm ready for Mother's Day

Biblical references and in the scriptures,

 we have read about people or places that were

taken up to Heaven because of their righteousness.

I used to believe that this was going to happen to my mother.

She wasn't perfect, but I believe she gave me a great environment to grow and learn

and make mistakes.

She fosters her parenting techniques with a lot of love and tenderness.

I've never really seen her mad, except for once, when I was 12,

but I deserved much more than her sharpness.

She raised 8 children, having them all in 11 years.

She is  always looking her best,  and a mother who was also always willing to 

take us swimming, or make us clothing from the trendy patterns.

Throughout all of my childhood,

I can count on one hand, how many times my mom

didn't put on makeup. Simply put- She is a lady.

She is always well kept, but never made a point to 

show off how beautiful she is. We just kind of knew it.

She was so involved in the community,

 I thought that is what mothers do.

They campaign.

They raise money for schools,

They join the school board.

They feed 8 kids at once.

They are happy all the time.

All of the goodness my about own identity in womanhood 

came by being raised by this women.

We are 20 years apart, which has given me many years to 

call her my best friend through my adult life.

PC: Kirstin Roper

As I've approached Mother's Day with

my own little growing family, a step son and

a baby boy due on Mother's day, I can only reflect on the

blessing I've had for "almost translated"

Mother I was born to.
PC: Kirstin Roper

The best and strongest attributes of my mother are not inherent in my nature.

I have tried to cultivate her example and have spend hours studying her life and her 

good works.

 It has taught me that one can 

develop good in their life, if 

they simply desire it.

My mom stayed home for most of my life,

but when she did work out of the home, it meant business.

I was the first member of my family to go to college, and my mom 

followed soon after. She is the first one in our family to get her Master's degree.

She graduated before me with the tenacity of what's next attitude?

I often think her abilities and her professionalism was first born in the home.

Imagine trying to deal with 8 totally different , excited little ones, always

competing with each other and challenging everyone else around them.



I could go on and on.

Perhaps, we can all pick our favorite attributes of our mothers

and grow into our little heaven on earth.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015


Sometimes we think we need to be able to heal someone to have compassion on there.

but before the Savior did any healing, he showed a love and willingness to ease the burdens

of those in pain.

When we search the scriptures, Compassion is usually followed by some type of healing.

When in reality, showing compassion is part of the actual healing

 that the Savior performs in our lives.

To experience this from the Savior,

We must come unto Him, learn of His teaches and follow His example,

by our actions.

To heal others, we must be willing to ease their burdens.

Compassion can be difficult to give to people who hurt us.

The irony in that, is that those are EXACTLY the people who

NEED our compassion.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

31 Weeks

31 Weeks has been a sleepy time for me.

I've been taking naps- which is unheard of.

But I also only sleep 5 hours at night.

It catches up to me pretty fast and this lazy haze comes over me.

For the first time, I think I could know what it is like to fall asleep sitting up.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Why I train Pregnant

I definitely didn't think that the first 22 weeks of pregnancy would be accompanied with sickness, 

that left me on a couch. 

For those weeks- all I had control over was my positive thoughts and somewhat

of my food intake.

I don't have a wet suit like this woman- But I'm able to walk and sometimes job 


I've been able to lift weights,

I've been able to swim and 

I'm grateful to introduce my son

into an active environment too.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

This is everything

This is everything.

For a long time- I have always kind of  thought about how

people separate out things in their life.

You know- business and personal.

For me, I haven't really ever been able to separate 

anything personal. Its just part of my package.

With that being said, I'd like my life to be one cohesive package.

You know, when you walk into an art gallery and view a body of work,

it all works together with its theme or in context with each other.

Each piece may have a new element that ties it to the next,

but overall, its one big piece or body of work.

I've thought about what I would write in this here blog-

It's suppose to be for my family.

The happenings, 

but at the end of the day- it all comes back to me,

as the author, being personal.

I have a textile private journal. I visit it, but not enough.

I have my private blog- for all the pioneer women in my life that have 

been there from the get go-

But I'd like this blog to be everything.

One thing- My life- my passion- my family-

All in compassing with my theme.

But what is my theme.

Lately, it seems so seasonal.

The longest season was a theme of single womanhood.

 I wore that badge long and hard, 31 years and 15 days to be exact.

It was the longest season of my life so far and I'll be 62 when I can say that I've been 

married to Jack longer than I have not!

The dating, engagement and days up until marriage

was a whirlwind of meaningful stepping stones


taught us both that we wanted to do this Eternity thing together.

Neither of us were struck by lightening to know

that all things heavenly approved.

But- it was gradually fast.

We were carried by our dopamine levels and emotional attraction to each other.

Which brings us to

30.5 weeks into marriage. Which is today.

We decided together that for our marriage and consecrated life unto the Lord, it

would be best met, by putting our temporal desires aside to start our family.

We didn't know when that would happen- we just knew that we felt inclined to

put the Lord first BY starting our family.

BUT it didn't stop there.

The moment you see two lines against a pregnancy test, you have your rite of passage to throw in the towel, but it doesn't work that way when serving the Lord. Especially if you feel like the immediate gift of pregnancy was granted so quickly- you feel indebted to Him again, and you want Him to know
that you're in it for the long haul.

So you repeatedly re visit all the invitations He gives you. Through the mouth of his prophets

and through the modern and standard works- You are accountable to every single whispering you 

have from the Holy Ghost, and to top that off- You are even accountable to the promptings you should be having.

I don't want that to sound overwhelming at all. Because it shouldn't be, its a simple act of 

being self aware and recognizing the power you have to influence others to feel appreciated and love.

What is our motive for serving the Lord in the first place? We have to have our own reasoning

individually and collectively.

My initial thought this morning was that it never ends... and thank goodness for that.

Can you imagine building a boat and that's it?

Or slaying Laban and that's it?!

Thank goodness that is no end to the opportunities we have to learn and do and become.

A lot of people have been telling me- 

Well, for all the throwing up you do- at least you get a baby at the end.

But that doesn't always work- 

You can't say that to someone who has cancer.

We can't be looking towards the end all the time. The prize is today, now- so relish in that

before tomorrow comes- of course you get to do your do overs again.

There is no end, and there is no fun in the tunnel vision of the end.

At 30 weeks pregnant,

I've actually been humbled to see what my body can do and what it cannot.

Its interesting to see moments or situations where I submit because Im pregnant.

I've appreciate opportunities to try and do normal things while pregnant.

Sometimes I fail and other times, I laugh because the failure isn't really a failure anymore.

Im growing a baby inside of me-

This started almost immediately after my long season of single life ended.

The transition of selfishness to selflessness does not end just because I saw two lines on a pregnancy test.

Sometimes I think the Lord wants us to be pregnant for 9 months for US to prepare for that transition 

where our life is not our own, and we are just so excited for it.

I've been mentally preparing myself for a Mother's Day baby. But I've also been preparing for a pregnancy of 41 weeks.

I don't have any expectations. I can't demand that from unborn baby.

"Silly pregnancy brain" might tell you otherwise- but I'm just relishing in the miracle that

I found someone

perfectly awesome to marry and

 that we happened to be on the same path.

Now we get to continually chose how well we walk that path together- with each stepping stone 

teaching us something new about how we can better rely on the Lord.