This is everything

This is everything.

For a long time- I have always kind of  thought about how

people separate out things in their life.

You know- business and personal.

For me, I haven't really ever been able to separate 

anything personal. Its just part of my package.

With that being said, I'd like my life to be one cohesive package.

You know, when you walk into an art gallery and view a body of work,

it all works together with its theme or in context with each other.

Each piece may have a new element that ties it to the next,

but overall, its one big piece or body of work.

I've thought about what I would write in this here blog-

It's suppose to be for my family.

The happenings, 

but at the end of the day- it all comes back to me,

as the author, being personal.

I have a textile private journal. I visit it, but not enough.

I have my private blog- for all the pioneer women in my life that have 

been there from the get go-

But I'd like this blog to be everything.

One thing- My life- my passion- my family-

All in compassing with my theme.

But what is my theme.

Lately, it seems so seasonal.

The longest season was a theme of single womanhood.

 I wore that badge long and hard, 31 years and 15 days to be exact.

It was the longest season of my life so far and I'll be 62 when I can say that I've been 

married to Jack longer than I have not!

The dating, engagement and days up until marriage

was a whirlwind of meaningful stepping stones

that

taught us both that we wanted to do this Eternity thing together.

Neither of us were struck by lightening to know

that all things heavenly approved.

But- it was gradually fast.

We were carried by our dopamine levels and emotional attraction to each other.

Which brings us to

30.5 weeks into marriage. Which is today.

We decided together that for our marriage and consecrated life unto the Lord, it

would be best met, by putting our temporal desires aside to start our family.

We didn't know when that would happen- we just knew that we felt inclined to

put the Lord first BY starting our family.

BUT it didn't stop there.

The moment you see two lines against a pregnancy test, you have your rite of passage to throw in the towel, but it doesn't work that way when serving the Lord. Especially if you feel like the immediate gift of pregnancy was granted so quickly- you feel indebted to Him again, and you want Him to know

that you're in it for the long haul.

So you repeatedly re visit all the invitations He gives you. Through the mouth of his prophets

and through the modern and standard works- You are accountable to every single whispering you 

have from the Holy Ghost, and to top that off- You are even accountable to the promptings you should be having.

I don't want that to sound overwhelming at all. Because it shouldn't be, its a simple act of 

being self aware and recognizing the power you have to influence others to feel appreciated and love.

What is our motive for serving the Lord in the first place? We have to have our own reasoning

individually and collectively.

My initial thought this morning was that it never ends... and thank goodness for that.

Can you imagine building a boat and that's it?

Or slaying Laban and that's it?!

Thank goodness that is no end to the opportunities we have to learn and do and become.

A lot of people have been telling me- 

Well, for all the throwing up you do- at least you get a baby at the end.

But that doesn't always work- 

You can't say that to someone who has cancer.

We can't be looking towards the end all the time. The prize is today, now- so relish in that

before tomorrow comes- of course you get to do your do overs again.

There is no end, and there is no fun in the tunnel vision of the end.

At 30 weeks pregnant,

I've actually been humbled to see what my body can do and what it cannot.

Its interesting to see moments or situations where I submit because Im pregnant.

I've appreciate opportunities to try and do normal things while pregnant.

Sometimes I fail and other times, I laugh because the failure isn't really a failure anymore.

Im growing a baby inside of me-

This started almost immediately after my long season of single life ended.

The transition of selfishness to selflessness does not end just because I saw two lines on a pregnancy test.

Sometimes I think the Lord wants us to be pregnant for 9 months for US to prepare for that transition 

where our life is not our own, and we are just so excited for it.

I've been mentally preparing myself for a Mother's Day baby. But I've also been preparing for a pregnancy of 41 weeks.

I don't have any expectations. I can't demand that from unborn baby.

"Silly pregnancy brain" might tell you otherwise- but I'm just relishing in the miracle that

I found someone

perfectly awesome to marry and

 that we happened to be on the same path.

Now we get to continually chose how well we walk that path together- with each stepping stone 

teaching us something new about how we can better rely on the Lord.